We all have visions, goals and expectations to meet. We all splatter, mutter, speak and utter. Of these such things, where are the boundaries set? Imagine this okay, a rubber band you've stretched so hard but it just wouldn't snap. But you know it just would but not yet the time? That is what I'm talking about.
Everyone experiences change in the phases of their life. Well, every normal human being would. As a soon-to-be 17 yr old kid preparing for my A Levels next year, I've had those changes. Too much sometimes I might say. And as we were talking about the stretching of the rubber band earlier, yeahp, that much. I had enough of always keeping quiet to things that are sometimes said, acted or delivered overboard. I had enough of always being "Syazwan" who doesn't say things out loud. I had enough of always being discriminated against and never given that chance to withdraw something I am trying to now.
People say alot of different things about other people. People have different perceptions of other people. I love the things I do. I lead my life the way I would think best. I have never put myself the priority. I've always thought 1st for other people before me. I've never paid attention if I was ever going to lose out. All I cared was for them, their feelings. My friends. People pisses you off and you try to shut them off but sometimes you just can't help it because its just their own mouth? More likely, its just who they are? Really.
I don't have to break any social relationships. Frankly, I have no time. Everyone in the world has friends they can talk/share/speak to. But what is really important is that, friends come and go but TRUE FRIENDS stay. I have felt alone. I have felt not being alone. And to think jealousy is always the starting point of me actually trying to infuse and blow out someone's flame, then that is JUST too much. Human beings, okay be specific, teenagers, are matured young beings who can stand up for their rights and decipher between the right and the wrong. I've never, or at least, tried to push anyone from making their own decisions.
I've been through too much. I'm responsible for whatever I have been doing/living as a human being. I try not to sigh and retaliate to words that are never true about me, criticism and ignorance that are far from the truth. Sorry but you have to accept this change.
And I apologise if this post grumbles any of you. Enough of me respecting others all the time and avoiding what I shouldn't have been all this while.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Redang was the SHITzzzzzz. [ literally, good poo ] Okay.
Besides the point of me being sick most of the time I was there, I really did enjoy myself. To those who love and adore nature would certainly not want to leave. It's a definitely a separate experience compared to all these years of me travelling [ like I ever travelled outside Asia. Oh wellz ]. Oh, I even tried snorkelling. Heh, I'm not a coward. I was in the ocean of 20 ft deep. Hah. Okay, with life vest on. But the point is... You should get it.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Usah Bersalah
Verse 1: Masihkah Engkau Ingati Semua? Tangisan, Dusta, Indah Sebaliknya Ku Takkan Pernah Berasa Kesalan Tatkala Impian Hebatnya Jika Ku Punya Kuasa Sayang, Jangan Pernah Rasa Bersalah
Chorus: Masanya Kita Berdua Begitu Cerianya Setiap Masa Terima Kasih Cinta Jangan Berdusta Lihatlah SinarNya Sayang, Usah Bersalah
Verse 2: Belaian, Sentuhan Kita Berdua Di SisiMu, Ku Takkan Pernah Lupa Ku Takkan Pernah Berasa Kesalan Tatkala Impian
Hebatnya Jika Ku Punya Kuasa Sayang, Jangan Pernah Rasa Bersalah
Bridge: Ku Berharap Engkau Masih Mengingati Semua Dan Ceritera Cinta Ini Kan Menjadi Peninggalan Berharga…
Sayang, Usah Bersalah
I'm really sorry I couldn't translate this. Heh. I don't know how. Will need an expert. Be back on this Saturday. Take care. =D
"i'm taking the silent exit"
Before you take an exit, regardless if you've blog-hopped, 1st timers to this blog or the very true frequent people. Please spare your 5 minutes (maybe less) by doing this survey. It's for my Project Work and it determines half my life for the A Levels. Gladly appreciated in advance. Thank you. -Syazwan
What my project is about? Well, my group basically is basically investigating of how receptive HIV/Aids is in Singapore. Through this amazing individual named Joey DiPaolo, we have decided to do a proposal of a reality programme titled "DiscriminAID" whereby participants (schooling youths) go on a attachment (better word, "participate) in this reality programme. They are given video cameras, writing journals. The entire programme lasts of 3 months. And from there, the viewers watching the programme can learn and have a greater understanding of the ability to receive AIDS through the LESSONS LEARNT BY THE PARTICIPANTS that are mostly focused in the entire programme. =D
3) AIDS Programme cum Orchard Road Exhibition Launch http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=MQZfFDBRCMh6l2qaStJ9Jw_3d_3d
Monday, June 16, 2008
I don't like people who uses livjournal. They don't let me comment on their posts. Either that, its private. Eh, you know I like to say things right. Why are you hindering all these? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Not doing any finger-pointing. Ehem.
As promised, the pictures prior to the outing to Singapore Botanical Gardens. The uploader didn't die on me finally. =D
Friday, June 13, 2008
Everytime when I click "New Post", I lose interest in posting. Okay, this time I shall have this inner ability to try NOT to.
This week has been a blast and new records being set. Really. Stop giving the face. Okay we'll go from day to day.
Monday - Aisyah's 17th Birthday Party was the S.H.I.T! and PW Free food. Okay, no. Aisyah's birthday party was awesome. And I knew the birthday gift Astrini and I gave was the best. Really. Unfortunately, we got to know that the BBQ was cancelled last minute so instead, there were buffet food. Sad right. I've been looking forward to BBQ food for so long since February. Yeahs. But oh well. Hah. The arcade trip and SOCCER was awesome as well. We should have a league one day to those who came. I had so much fun. Thank you Aisyah. If it wasn't for you being humble to invite me, I wouldn't have enjoyed myself. =D FOOD WAS AWESOME. Have to emphasise on that.
I seriously need to put this in. To those who call yourself Aisyah's friend and didnt actually turn up, or did (for 10 minutes), seriously don't bother coming next time. You guys don't even have the respect for firstly, Aisyah herself, secondly her parents. If those "diva" attitudes or "I'm your friend but I have more important things to do", don't bother turning up. I mean it really. FU!
PW meeting finally happened! YES! Seriously, we're behind super duper back in time than the rest. I don't want to say anything here cause I believe that I do not want to be in trouble. =P
Tuesday - Home. I was really tired. Yes.
Wednesday - Had Maths Emergency Consultation. I just realised I am still sucky in Higher One Mathematics. Hah, so much for yearning to take Higher Two Mathematics. Go and kill yourself Syazwan. But okay, Mr Koh was being patient with me. Thanks Mr Koh for the really valuable 2 hours. Hee. So okay, Zuhairee, Pei Ying, Clarissa and me went to have lunch at KFC (ZINGER BABY!). Big Bird and Coconut left and the 2 of us joined Aisha and the rest to study. Okay, Wednesday on basically proper studying. 9.30-4.00. I then left for the airport to go meet Astrini and Cassie. Cassie left and we got free food for dinner. Ma'az rocks.
Thursday - A02 Meet cum Jaclyn's Pre-Birthday Bash at Singapore Botanical Gardens. I miss them. Really I do miss them. AND IM STILL ANGRY THAT MY EGGS ARE NOT CONSUMED AND LEFT TO ROT! HAHA. Allright so anyway, can we get this part for the pictures to do the talking? Can?
Friday - HOME.
Okay if you guys have already got bored of this, remember I said "new records being set" ? I'm listing it down.
1. I went to the airport from Tuesday to Thursday straight. My officially 2nd home. 2. I step foot on Singapore Botanical Gardens for the 1st time. Loyal Singaporean I might say. 3. I wore slippers to anywhere I went/wondered the entire week. 4. I played proper soccer. HAHA. 5. I wore my cap the entire week. Blame the hair.
Okay done. Bye. YES. Mission accomplished.
I just am very clueless to how I'm going to go about with this. I mean, its hard for me to comprehend you and you to comprehend me. It's as if there's just this boundary between me and you that is preventing us from actually talking proper. Then again, I am not sure how I should really evaluate what I feel. I am scared, feel useless and hopeless. It's like hoping for something you already know it's not going to happen. And that really sucks. I'm really dumbfounded. Thanks. (Only those would understand what I mean with this).
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Upon The Arrival
All That Unseemingly Wait. As If She Was On Migrate. Telling Them It Was All A Game.
Monday, June 09, 2008
This week for the so-called hardcore studying. Okay mission accomplished. I did half the maths syllabus for SA. Okay maybe its stupid cause its only 4 chapters. Saying you completed half means only 2 chapters. Dang it. But oh wells. (ZAHIDAH I MISS YOU LA.)
So, today. I sent off the brother for Langkawi. Step 3 hari jer. Podahlaa. Longer would be fun. The computer is all mine!! NYAHAHAH. Right, maybe I should name this computer. Seriously? Any thoughts? I was thinking of Pushing Daisies. HAHA. That show funny bodoh I tell you. FYI, it debuted today at 10.30pm. Since I had nothing to do at my aunt's house just now, it was the only time I could touch the remote. It is seemingly hilarious but questionable too. I mean, who in the world can actually wake the dead. THAT IS SOMETHING SCIENTISTS HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT. Then again, its a joy watching it.
Take this for example,
"You can't touch me nor can I cause if you do, I'll lose you forever". Thats what the lead actor said to the girl he likes who actually died by getting killed in a cruise. So supposedly, he is allowed to wake the dead up only once, for, if he touches or that dead-alive person touches him, that dead-alive person is dead forever. Cool right? Oh well. Go watch. Don't judge me.
So today I actually told Astrini I was supposed to go hardcore studying. Putting the word "hardcore" seems like I'm having sex with studying. Disgusting. Okay I actually forgot to bring Maths today. Cause after Airport, I actually went to TM. Sorryla, not yet THAT discipline. Haha. Sorry Ms Leow. What was the real reason was that I woke up the last and the family was running preeetttyyy late for the airport. So yeah, I was trying to control my uncontrollable hair so I actually forgot to bring Maths la. Thats why you see I could watch TV at my aunt's house. HEH. SORRY LA.
And Astrini sayang, yes I read your blog. AWWW. But I looked like I had back problems sah. AND WHY BACK PICTURES? AKU BURUK SANGAT KE PER! Aku tau uh. But you can't blame ketentuan Yang Maha Esa right? All the vulgarities in the world sah. Cheyy step jer. =D
